As I grow older and look back on my life I realise the enormous amounts of pressure I have and still do place on myself.
As much as I value the quality of always wanting to be my best, I realise now that I have never really enabled myself to achieve that. I have over worked, over thought and placed such harsh expectations on myself, which has only ever left me stressed.
I never gave my time to myself; instead investing it all into other people and things, in the moment thinking it was the right thing to do.
Looking back I realise that it was never beneficial for me to be that way, I have only dug myself a hole in which I have struggled to climb out of.
I’ve only ever seen the best in people, no matter how clearly they’ve shown me their worst.
I have laid my trust into others even if that meant breaking my own.
I have believed in people when they have given me every reason not to.
And in the end I’m the one, who has suffered every single time, dragging that suffering with me day by day.
I never looked after myself the way I thought I had been. I have always pushed myself without even a clear indication on what my end goal was.
I acted like I always had it together when in reality; I was a broken mess that not even I understood.
I had a tattoo to signify strength when in reality I was probably the weakest person I knew.
I ignored all the signals, all the signs and all the warnings that I was heading to rock bottom.
It had taken me a cold hard trip down there to understand what I had done to myself.
There was no blaming other people; it was I who created my own path.
It took me a lot of courage and determination to come back and be in touch with who I am again, something else I never gave myself any credit for because for me I only ever noticed the negative things.
I put in hard work to be where I am right now and I am positive that I will never allow myself to fall that low again. Instead I have learned from my past experiences and I recognise and appreciate the hard work I have put into myself in order to rebuild.
I know now that it is important every now and then to look back and put into perspective how far you have actually come.
The only way now is up. Its time to dust yourself off and get going on your new road.
A healthier and happier version of you.
One that you accept and care for unconditionally.
You are strengthening into the person you are meant to become, so understand your value, respect your feelings and listen to what your body is telling you.